Jael, somehow managed to invent it all the way to that point in the competition without any of the judges mentioning the fact that she talks like her mouth was just attacked by a swarm of killer bees, and I’m not even going to mention her stellar use of the English language. She even said she enjoyed it much more than she thought she would. How many times can I mention that I picked Renee to win that thing? that wasn’t hot either, except it really was.

The “I like to ruin cultural icons for everyone” award goes to:

The society in the comments who keep mentioning that they’ve seen Miss J selling pancake batter. Which brings us to…

The contestant most likely to leave her husband and get a girlfriend when she returns home award.

I think the show’s producers did her quite the injustice by forcing her to be at war with a a live mammal for half the season.

I think Brit showed a lot of heart making it that far considering she was at such a disadvantage. That’s not acting for Renee. I liked Nigel Barker’s description of how she’s beautiful, but loses her grace the second a camera is brought to a photographer’s face.

If you couldn’t tell, I found that episode immensely entertaining and give it a 6 out of 7 stars. Can’t wait to see the next one.

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

I still think she’s a contender to win that thing.

The title of America’s Next Top Baby’s Mama goes to:

I’m not certain yet on that one, but it’s either Renee (have I mentioned I pick her to win?), Dionne, or Natasha. Isn’t that unprecedented in that series?

The “did you know Sara is a photographer” award goes to:

Me again.

That’s why she gets that award. That’s just wrong, but even I can’t deny there is a striking resemblance. Nonetheless, she does have a child and she shed some serious tears when she didn’t win the opportunity to see her.

I was glad that she pulled out of the emotional slump and really nailed her photo shoot.

I’m thinking it’s mostly for worse since most of the criticism she’s received in recent weeks has specifically mentioned her draggish tendencies.

I considered giving her the “Transamerica, I’m Felicity Huffman dressed up as a man, dressed up as a woman, who wants a sex change award”, but I’m 90% certain Jaslene is actually a woman.

I think that would actually work out better for him career-wise. She really hasn’t done anything for me all season despite being a very pretty girl. For all you society that said Natasha was childless and that she was talking to her dog in a previous episode, you might have been right. She cried a bit and threw a tantrum. It’s not that I don’t like Efren. I promise to cut my fingers off whether I type that again before the finale.

The George W.

Put Jael in the above scenario, and change the drug to a cocktail of Oxycotin, paint thinner, and a sprinkle of Carbon Monoxide and we’ve basically got the same thing going on here.

Turns out they were additionally able to fork up the money for a couple of plane tickets so Renee and Dionne could see their family. Wow, that beats a $50,000 bracelet any day of the week…

I can see the promos for next weeks show already:

“Next week on America’s Next Top Model.

Can it really be considered acting when you’re simply acting like you normally act? And for the prize?

The “I’m on America’s Next Top Model and all I got was that &#*@&^% T-shirt” award goes to:

The recipients of the “I Voted For” T-shirts. Some examples from that weeks episode:

“I don’t speak Jamaican at all. That would be a groundbreaking case.

The Jessie Spano, “I’ve been on drugs for a expanded duration and no one noticed until A.C. The problem is when he’s not Pedro, I don’t think I care. Three contestants with kids. She’s been pretty on-point all season with her assessment of the contestants.

And finally - The Short Circuit, “Johnny 5 is alive” award goes to:

Renee. Who knew that beneath all the circuitry, silicone, wiring, screws, heat-sinks, and bitchiness that a real live human being lived inside of that metallic exterior?

I confess I was wrong with the whole ten minutes into the show she’ll piss someone off comment from last week.

She truly made an effort to lighten up a bit and you could tell the other girls really appreciated it, despite the fact that it all came off as a little artificial.

We should enact a Constitutional Amendment that requires Efren to grow back the mustache and talk like Speedy Gonzalez’s drunk mouse friend whenever he’s in public. I don’t even kiss my own boyfriend.”

Quality stuff.

Filed under: OpEd, America’s Next Top Model, Episode Reviews

(S08E08) Okay, in a slight departure from the norm, considering we’re just by the halfway point of the season, and considering I was feeling inspired, I decided it was duration to hand out some mid-season awards and titles to the contestants as they related to that episode.

Before the season began, whether someone told me I’d be able to churn out 600-700 words an episode on a show like that, I’d have laughed in their face, but here we are pushing 1300.

Without further ado.

The Stephen Crane, Red Badge of Courage award goes to:

Brittany, who actually had a “red badger of discouragement”, killed and removed from her scalp that week. Guest appearance by the guy who played Mike Seaver’s little brother on Growing Pains. For a second I thought the producers had exhausted their entire budget and were going to be forced to utilize D-list actors for guest appearances and hand out silk-screened prizes for the rest of the show. First Pedro as a guest star, next that. “
“What the &#*@ is wrong with my baby’s hair?”
“Seeing my baby has made me additional happier.”
“I ain’t a lesbo.”
“I’ll give you a hug but that kissing sh*t?

The award show is by.

I was happy to see Whitney leave that week.

As my wife said, “Jaslene, you did that to yourself.”

The Jennifer Love Hewitt / Jessica Alba / Rachel Leigh Cook I can’t really act, but I’m pretty and have charisma which will help me manufacture it in that industry award goes to:

All the models considering none of them could really act, but specifically, that one goes to my girl Renee.

Tyra performed the intervention in that instance and was right when she said Jael had what Whitney lacked and vice versa. Big ups to Natasha. whether she made it that far in pain, it’ll be interesting to see how well she fairs in good health.

The To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Cha Cha Rodriguez award goes to:

Jaslene, who is stuck with the drag queen title for better or for worse. Bush “I say some really intelligent and witty things, but I plus say some really silly things too” award goes to:

Dionne. The winner of the contest gets to talk to Tyra Banks.”

The I was right, the commenters were wrong award goes to:

Me. Dionne may not want to confess it, but deep down she loves the ladies.

Also, I’d construct the obligatory comment about how hot that scene was, but that would be too obvious a thing to say, so I won’t say it, even though I just said it.

Honorable Mention: I don’t think she has a husband, but whether she did, Jael gets honorable mention for basically feeling Rebecca up during the “I just fainted” photo shoot. That’s a Wednesday.

The I should be legally forced to change my name to Pedro Ramirez and permanently take on his mannerisms and personality award goes to:

Efren Ramirez. Slater did an intervention” award:

I vaguely recall an episode of Saved by the Bell where Elizabeth Berkely’s character was all cracked out on uppers for an entire episode - until Mario Lopez’s character does an intervention.

I mean, throw a ruffled dress on Aunt Jemima and she’s a spitting image of Miss J, or is it the other way around?

I wonder whether Aunt Jemima can sue Miss J for trademark infringement.

Was it me, or was Dionne extremely convincing during her photo shoot.

Original post by JJ Hawkins